WTF!
it was last april 2 since my last post.,
i wasnt busy, but everything is in a very fast phase. i dont know where to start. i just had this lazy mind and it just stopped functioning properly. April has been cruel to me and May is starting to get on my nerves!! This summer isnt my summer!! I really hated everything about it.
there is too much share and i dont know where the hell should i start. Everything is wired and tangled badly.
As of this moment, as in this very moment, im really pissed off! I woke up early, jogged, done some exercise, took a shower, breakfast and headed to the city hall for registration. I WASNT ABLE TO REGISTER! goddamn government people!! My dad was outraging from anger and my mom is having this drama bullshit of hers! Im already pissed yet i arrive here hearing them nagging..BLAHBLAHBLAH!!! i wanna scream, i wanna rip someone's pants, i wanna pull out someone's hair and kill everybody!
IM ANGRY!!
it feels good when you let your emotions rule over you for sometime. there's a feeling of relief and relaxation. what's bad about it, is the people that surrounds you dont understand what you feel and you cant even let them know how you exactly feel and worse, they are not just giving a crap trying to understand the situation.
i cry alone most of time. i dont want people seeing me cry and then pity me. i cry to unwind and let go, but crying doesnt make me strong.i dont have this eagerness inside me to tell myself that i need to be strong. BECAUSE NO ONE IS STRONG FOR ME. though i have friends who are ready to listen, the problem is they cant give me sufficient advices that i can follow. Common advices are BE STRONG, IM HERE FOR YOU,LET THINGS PASS BY FOR NOW,KEEP YOUR FAITH IN GOD, GOD WILL HELP YOU,KEEP PRAYING. it's hell when i hear those no good advices. it doesn't help at all. im sick of it, it makes me vomit.
i do believe we have GOD, JESUS, MARY, JOSEPH, etc. but i realized they dont help us. they are just like imaginary friends that we talk to when were in trouble. they are our own basic good within ourselves. we just see them as GOD when the truth is that your just talking and asking your fckuing self. better talk to yourself in front of the mirror. it works for me!THE GODDAMN FUCKING TRUTH IS "NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU BUT YOURSELF, OPINIONS AND ADVICES ARE NOT USEFUL BECAUSE IT IS YOU ALONE WHO WILL MAKE THE DECISION." hard isn't it?! it is hell!!
for me, GOD along with HIS almighty band deserves to be appreciated for what THEY have done years and years ago. its better talking to HIM because of bountiful blessings he shared with you and its worse asking for HIS help, because HE doesnt help you at all.
just an opinion, so calm down dear.
maybe just reading this article you may slightly know what's going on in my life. But dont pretend you know everything ok.
in this time of my fckuing life,
i need you understand me but no need to pity me and then caress me.
i dare not to know who cares and who doesn't.
heheheh.,
